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I loved being able to take a woman to someplace that special. In those few moments of silence after our completion I knew I could do this for a long, long time.But it was gone. The long, long time was here, and then we could never recapture the magic. In the instant between heartbeats Lilly needed privacy from me, even if she couldn’t explain it. Defeated but not knowing how completely, I slipped from our messy bed and gave her back her privacy. Cassandra, Andrea, and Janet politely avoided me for the rest of the day.Over the next six months I became little more than a stud horse. My job was to keep infusing the five women with my special essence and keep out of their way otherwise. It was almost as if I became an embarrassment once I’d given them my essence. I’d been rejected before and recognized the symptoms but this was far more and more deliberate. To avoid the discomfort and avoid saying or doing the wrong thing, I found things to do to keep my distance. The realization that. This time, I was certain that what I was witnessing was not physicallyreal, even though it was extremely vivid. A daydream or a vision beganto unfold before my eyes. I was conscious all the time, aware of theoutside world and definitely sitting in the driver's seat of my car andsteering it along a narrow country road--and yet the drama that playedout in my mind was only a little less tangible.I am standing on a rock, or perhaps a mountaintop; thick black smoke isbillowing all around me; there are huge fires burning below and theclouds reflect the fiery glow. The air is hot and it smells bitter. Iam facing a nightmarish monster, not unlike a dragon; its yellow eyesare fixed on me and its mouth is agape, revealing a set of sharptriangular teeth. Its scaly, thick skin is radiating heat. I am holdinga sword in my hand, but despite its weight and its long, shiny blade,the weapon feels pitifully small and weak against the massive foe I amsupposed to fight.I am all alone and I know that the.
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